Previously on "Sports Night"...
- How you doin'? - Dan.
- I knew I knew you. - Yes.
- You'r e Steve Sisco's wif e. - Ex-wif e.
- Why ar e you avoiding me? - Take a wild, flailing shot in the dark.
'Cause you thought Steve and I wer e divorced
when, in r eality, we'r e only separated,
and Steve wants us to go back into counseling
and I'm on the f ence about it and you hate Steve?
- That's amazing. - And then there was that thing where somebody tried to blow us up.
- Yeah. - Don't take it personally.
- No, I think I will take it personally. - The bomb thr eat was a hoax.
- What was it about? - Denny Denton.
- What about him? - They don't like his radio show.
I don't like his radio show either.
- You know what I do? Change the station. - What?
And, oh, yeah, Isaac's lying in a bed at Columbia Pres with a stroke.
You dumped the show off to Sally.
It was after 1:00 in the morning.
- 'Cause Gordon was her e. - Yes.
- And you want me to let you off the hook. - Yes.
Well, later, when ther e's time, I'll see if I can let you off the hook.
Right now ther e's not time to let you off the hook. Right now ther e's our show.
- You'll let me know if something mor e important comes along, right? - Yeah.
- What's going on? - I want so badly to rip his f ace off.
- It's been a week. - I know.
- It's been a week. - As a matter of f act, it hasn't.
No, it's been a week.
It's been six days.
It's a week ago tomorrow.
It was a week ago tomorrow
- that somebody tried to blow up the building. - Yes.
- Tomorrow it'll be a week. - Yes.
Since the time that somebody tried
to blow up the building.
Yes, and I think it's time f or you to get over it.
That doesn't r eally seem like
it's gonna happen, though, does it?
I'm not optimistic.
60 seconds to VTR. Two minutes live.
- Ready-1. - Stand by, animation.
Stand by, one and F /X-1.
I'm f orgetting things.
What ar e you f orgetting?
Nothing specific.
You'r e not f orgetting anything specific?
No, I just have this sense
about me of f orgetting things, losing things.
What have you lost?
Nothing specific.
You know, you'r e almost tempted to consider the possibility
that I am just going stark-raving mad.
You sur e don't have to sell me.
Casey, Robbie Alomar just made
- the last out at first. - Thank you.
Wouldn't you think that when a guy thr eatens
to blow up a building in the name of God -
wouldn't you think that r eligious leaders would step f orward at that point?
- I do. - Wouldn't you think that rabbis and priests and ministers and cardinals
would step f orward and say, "Fella, we think that pr etty much any hope you have
of getting into Heaven will be ruined if you blow up that building"?
- Wouldn't you think they'd say that? - I would.
- And when they didn't - - Casey...
- What? - It's just we've had this conversation a f ew times alr eady.
- When they didn't... - Wouldn't I think somebody would ask why?
Wouldn't you think somebody would ask why?
Yes.
You agr ee?
- I'm right with you. - Thank you.
l, however, have decided to move on.
- So you'r e not with me? - I am.
No. I'm her e. You've moved on.
Yes.
Ther e ar e thr ee things that I'm doing.
I'm losing things, I'm f orgetting things, and ther e's a third one.
Roll VTR. 60 seconds live.
Everybody, this is your nightly two-minute confirmation
that I'm still Jer emy's girlf riend.
- No, you'r e not. - I am.
- She's not. - Oh, yes.
I've broken up with you. I've broken up with you,
and I br eak up with you again right ther e.
Right then is when I did it. We just broke up.
Look, whoosh - I ended it.
- Can we please - - 'Jeremy loves me'
30 seconds live.
- You wer e with me. - Yes.
- You wer e with me f or a time. - In 10.
You wer e with me f or a time, and then you moved on.
- I did. - You moved f ar away.
- Not f ar enough. - In 3... 2...
Good evening. From New York City,
I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we've got double plays in the West and triple thr eats in the South.
We've got the Phoenix Suns in the morning.
We've got Warr en Moon at night.
We got rhythm, music, the works - all that coming up after this.
You'r e watching "Sports Night" on CSC, so stick around.
We're out.
Yes.
Yes. You'r e br eaking up now.
Hello? You'r e br eaking up.
Now you'r e not ther e at all.
Ther e's nobody ther e at all,
yet I'm still talking.
- All right. Oh, Dana... - Yes?
I was just talking to a guy in Trinidad.
When wer e you in Trinidad?
I wasn't in Trinidad. The guy was in Trinidad.
- He was talking to me about a cricket match in New Delhi. - But...
No, neither of us wer e in New Delhi.
The cricket match was in New Delhi.
The guy was in Trinidad. I was right her e.
- Have you seen my shoes? - What?
I'm missing my shoes.
- Among other things, yes. Dana, seriously - - The cricket player.
It was incr edible.
- What was incr edible? - I don't know.
- You don't know? - I don't know anything about cricket.
- Brown suede heels. You r eally haven't seen them? - No, I r eally haven't.
- You don't know anything about cricket? - That's what I'm saying.
- Really? Nothing? - Yeah. No.
No inf ormation you can give me about my shoes?
Dana, a very big sports story is happening.
Jer emy, if a very big sports story was happening, we'd know it.
We do know it. We just don't understand it.
- You don't understand it. - You understand cricket?
- I know a little something. - What?
- I know they drink tea. - I think they do more than that.
I didn't claim to be a student of the game.
- Natalie, do you know anything about cricket? - I know they drink tea.
- Ahh. Elliott? - No.
Kim, do you know anything about cricket?
- What's going on? - Some guy in New Delhi just did something.
- What? - Jeremy won't tell us.
I honestly don't know. And I wouldn't have even brought it up
ex cept whatever this guy did, it was huge.
- What did he do? - He took all 10 wickets in an inning.
- What does that mean? - I don't know.
Elliott, get on the international wir e
and get the play-by-play f or Jer emy
of this cricket match in Tripoli.
Trinidad, and the cricket match was in New Delhi.
I don't think it matters if the cricket match was at the Carnegie Deli.
We'r e not gonna know what the hell went on, but get it anyway.
- The guy's name is Chauncy St. John. - What guy?
The guy, the cricket player. His name is Chauncy St. John.
- Elliott, go. - Got it.
Dan, do you know anything about cricket?
Ah, cricket - the game of the civilized sportsman.
- Do you know anything about it? - No.
- You like it, though? - What's not to like?
They wear white. They drink tea.
A guy in New Zealand got all 10 rickets.
Wickets in New Delhi!
This is an international news story!
Ther e ar e countries other than ours.
Yes. Ther e is, f or instance, Belgium, to name but one.
- What's up? - Please don't ask.
Don't ask about what?
Jer emy was on the phone with a man who was in Trinidad at the time
who told him of a cricket player in New Delhi
who got all 10 wickets in one inning.
- Thought I was gonna blow it, didn't you? - Yes, I did.
- Anyway, don't ask. - Okay.
Folks, bef or e we start,
I'd like to say I've been f orgetting things lately - losing things.
I apologize in advance.
You'll all know it when you see it.
Anyway, that's all.
We have a rundown meeting now.
- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm. - Yep. - Yep.
Item one...
This is f rom The World Observer.
It says if you compar ed it to baseball,
it would be like pitching thr ee perf ect games on thr ee consecutive days.
- Really? - Wait. No, not exactly.
Why not exactly?
It says the final f our batters scor ed 16 runs.
- That doesn't sound good. - It certainly doesn't sound perf ect.
- Right. - In baseball, if your final f our batters scor ed 16 runs,
it would be hard to consider that perf ect.
Jer emy, I don't know how comf ortable I am r eporting a story I don't understand.
It's not that hard to understand.
Ther e's a bowler, see, and ther e's a batsman.
- What's a bowler? - I don't know.
- What's a batsman? - I don't know.
Well, keep it up.
- Hey, hey, ask me my name. - What's your name?
- Mr. Happy Guy. - Rebecca?
Flying back tonight, meeting me after the show.
- Good. - I love it when she meets me after the show.
Her e's something. Raj Rajhan edged a humble snorter to the slips,
wher e Saurav Ganguly dived to his right to pick up a low snatch.
The humble snorter went straight to the slips,
and obviously the snatch was lower than it ordinarily is.
Yes.
- I'm getting to the bottom of this. - Keep me posted.
- Casey... - Yes?
- I'm Mr. Happy Guy. - Yeah, we met back ther e.
- I don't believe it. - What?
- You'r e not with me. - I'm with you.
- No, I wasn't with you on the r eligious leaders deal, so this is payback. - Yes.
- This is punitive. - Yes, it is.
These ar e two totally diff er ent things.
I'm ex cited 'cause Rebecca's back,
and you'r e, you know, just a ranting lunatic.
I am not a ranting lunatic.
This is honest outrage.
Somebody made a bomb thr eat
because a radio deejay did a sketch wher e Jesus was gay.
In the name of r eligion, this man thr eatened the lives of about 700 people.
The absence of admonishment f rom the church is totally bizarr e.
Yes.
Yes?
I'm with you.
- Now you'r e just saying that. - No, I'm not.
You'r e just saying that because you want me
to be with you on the other thing.
- I'm not. - Yes, you ar e.
Yes, I am, but I can f ake my enthusiasm, and you'll never know the diff er ence.
- That's all I'm asking. - So the deal is I'll be outraged about your thing
and you'll be happy 'cause Rebecca's back.
Fine.
- You'r e not happy. - I am.
No, you'r e not. You'r e not happy that Rebecca's back.
- Danny, this is gonna go badly f or you. - No, it's not.
She's got a blind spot f or Steve Sisco.
- Her ex-husband is not - - It's not her ex-husband. They'r e separated.
- I know. He's a jerk, Casey. - They'r e in counseling. I know.
- You should have seen the way he tr eated her. - I know how he tr eated her.
- And yet you still think she's gonna end up going back to him? - Danny...
- Be happy f or me. - I am happy f or you.
- You f aking it? - It doesn't matter.
I'm right her e. I'm right her e, Isaac.
I'm in your office right now. Mm-hmm.
I've got everything completely under control...
ex cept I can't find my shoes.
No.
That's a f unny joke - did I look on my f eet?
You'r e a senile old man, and this stroke is a punishment f or not having been nicer to me.
Then why won't you let me come down ther e?
You heard what I said.
- I said, "Then why won't you let me come down ther e?" - Is that Isaac?
- Natalie's her e. - Let me talk to him.
- She says she doesn't want to talk to you. - Yes, I do.
'Cause you'r e a stubborn person, and she's not inter ested in speaking to stubborn people.
- Yes, I am. - No.
She's flat-out r ef using.
Goodbye.
He's very stubborn.
What's he say?
- He made it up and down the corridor with a cane. - Good!
I can't believe he won't let us come down ther e.
- Leave it alone. - I won't leave it alone.
No, I don't think you will.
- He's being stubborn. - Then he is.
- That's right. - Dana...
This is a f ully grown man of enormous dignity and accomplishment.
He's cover ed wars and he's dined with kings,
and he can't move the left side of his body,
and he doesn't want us to see him like that. Now, what's wrong?
- Everything's wrong. - I mean with the f orgetting things and the losing things.
- I don't know. - Really?
- I don't know. - Okay.
I know I don't like Casey being mad at me.
- I know. - He's never gonna stop being mad at me.
- Yes, he is. - Her e's the thing.
- What? - He's got a point.
That is a spectacular play.
You don't even know what you'r e looking at.
- Yes, I do. - No, you don't.
I'm a sports prof essional, gumdrop,
and I happen to know a little something
about the cricket stylings of New Guinea's Mr. Chutney St. Joan.
Yes, New Delhi's Mr. Chauncy St. John,
- and that's not him. - What ar e we doing tonight?
- Nothing. Yeah. - Really?
- Dinner? Late movie? - No. No.
You want to r ent some porn?
- Natalie, we can't go out tonight. - Why?
'Cause we'r e not going out anymor e.
That doesn't mean we can't go out anymor e.
- It sort of does. I'm just trying to get over it. - Jer emy...
- Get over it. No, I'm saying get over it. - Yes.
I'm trying. I know it's been all of thr ee weeks.
I'll see if I can speed up my nervous br eakdown.
- Nobody's rushing you. - I appr eciate it.
Ar e you over it yet?
- Natalie... - How 'bout now?
Hey, look.
- What's that? - It's an abacus.
- Ex cellent. - An antique abacus.
Probably the only kind ther e ar e.
I got it in Chinatown at a place called Dang Luck. Isn't it gr eat?
- It's wrapped. - If you could see it, you'd think it was gr eat.
- Dan's Mr. Happy Guy. - Yes, I am. - I can see.
- It's an abacus. - So you said.
She's a market analyst - numbers, arithmetic.
You know, if she opens up a new checking account on the corner,
they'll give her a f r ee calculator.
- Natalie, I'm not sitting on the sidelines anymor e. I'm getting in the game. - Yes.
If Steve Sisco wants his wif e back, the road goes through me.
I love it.
- Tonight Rebecca's getting an antique abacus f rom Dang Luck. - Yes!
- What am l, crazy? - No.
- Am I Mr. Crazy Guy? - No.
- I am. I'm crazy. - You'r e not.
- Crazy in love? - No, just crazy.
What is this, an abac- What is that? Is it cute?
- It's cute. - It's a little cute.
- Natalie, just - - What market analyst wouldn't love an antique abacus f rom Dang Luck?
Honesty -
honesty and dir ectness ar e what's r equir ed.
I love her. It's that simple. Honesty will win the day.
Thank you.
I'm talking about r eally good porn.
- Natalie... - Let's work.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Couple of notes? - Fir e.
- 10 seconds less on the Arizona bullpen. - Done.
- Write a shorter intro f or the S.O.T. on the amateur draft. - Done.
Stop making Jerry Falwell jokes on the air.
- No. - Yes.
I don't do Jerry Falwell jokes.
The asides, the drop-ins - I am telling you, stop it.
A week ago today, somebody thr eatened to blow up the building
and all the people in it, including me.
And you think it was Jerry Falwell?
- I haven't ruled him out as a suspect. - I'm serious!
- What ar e you af raid of? - Off ending people.
Who? Our legions of viewers who take Jerry Falwell seriously?
Charo's got a bigger f an base.
- Casey... - No, l-I know I'm alone on this.
I know the vast majority of people
consider Jerry Falwell a spiritual pillar of gr eat and gentle wisdom.
I know that most people consider him a scholarly and tolerant man
who would never judge others harshly
just because they wer e diff er ent.
I know that most people find his calm leadership
to be a gentle, soothing beacon in a time of gr eat social chaos.
His guidance, f or instance, on the gr eat purple Teletubby matter
was f raught with the kind of theological sophistication that only Jerry Falwell
and a caf eteria f ull of sixth-graders could devise.
I know I'm going way out on a limb,
but I think Jerry Falwell's a f at-ass.
Who did I just off end? I'm eager to talk to them.
I have a typewriter, and I will use it as I see fit.
- Not on my show. - Dana, they'r e just jokes.
- Do other jokes. - What's with you?
Not on my show, Casey.
- Is this it? You'r e gonna bench me? - Yes. Absolutely.
Say it.
Do another Falwell joke, and you'r e suspended f or a week!
Five minutes to air. First team in the studio, please.
Casey, the -
- Hey, Rebecca. - Hi, Jer emy.
- You just get in? - Yeah. Is Dan around?
- Yeah, he's just - - If he's busy -
- They said he's on the air in five minutes. Of course. - I'll go get him.
He should be concentrating on the show. Don't tell him I'm her e.
- He'd kill me. He's very ex cited to see you. - Jer emy... I know, but -
They'r e in extra innings in Pittsburgh.
I'll f eed it to Casey in the 20s.
What wer e you gonna say?
- Nothing. - Rebecca?
- No, I'll go wait in my office. - Rebecca?
Let's go, everybody! Good show!
- Dan... - Yeah?
- Hey! - Hi.
- You'r e early! - We hit the jet stream.
- Oh, I love the jet str eam. - Yes!
I want you to know I would kiss you right now f ull on the lips,
but ther e ar e people around and it's unprof essional.
Leave, people!
I'm gonna run backstage and get some gifts that I have f or you,
including one that's f unctional.
- What wer e you gonna say? - I think I should tell Dan first, don't you?
Yeah.
I'm back. I've got wine, I've got flowers,
and I've got a gift I had to shop f or.
Dan...
- Yeah? - Thr ee minutes.
- Good show. - Good show.
I've got a hot tip f or you.
I heard some people talking on the plane about Barry Bonds,
who plays f or the San Diego Giants -
San Francisco Giants.
- Right. They said he's good. - What about him?
- He is good. - They say the San Francisco Giants ar e gonna be a good team.
- They will, but not this year. - What about Barry Bonds?
Unf ortunately, the rules prohibit Barry Bonds
f rom batting bef or e and after himself,
and he probably can't play right field and pitch at the same time.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Going back to Steve?
He's my husband.
- I want you to know - - It's okay.
- No, I have to tell you that y-you just - - Don't worry about it.
We'll see each other around the building.
I gotta go.
- Danny, I want to thank you - - Hey, r eally...
it was my pleasur e.
Steve's waiting downstairs.
Tell him hi.
These people r eally seemed to think
the Giants wer e gonna go all the way this year.
They'r e wrong.
Stand by.
- Animation standing. - Stand by, music.
We'r e back f rom commercial in 3... 2...
That's all for us.
Come back tomorrow.
We'll let you know if the Pirates game ever ended.
You've been watching "Sports Night" on CSC.
- Have a good night. - Good night.
- Music. - Go.
- Animation. - Go.
We're out.
- Good show. - Good show.
- Casey... - What?
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
Going someplace private.
But what was that thing with your head?
- Well, I was signaling you. - Signaling me what?
That we should go someplace private.
Okay. But don't do that thing with your head.
Ar e you gonna suspend me f or a week?
Oh, I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry about that.
That was a very big gun to pull out. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've been testing your authority. You'r e the boss.
- Okay. - Okay.
Wait.
I'm sorry I bailed on the show that night.
It was - I know if you'd done it to me, I'd have f elt abandoned.
Well, I was surprised by it.
- Yeah. - It's no big deal. I was surprised by it.
- Gordon's gonna ask me to marry him. - Sally did a fine job.
I'm sorry?
He's in Washington, and he told me on the phone
that when he gets back, he's gonna ask me to marry him.
You know, he wants to do it - make it a big deal.
- What ar e you gonna say? - I'm gonna -
What, ar e you kidding? I'm gonna say yes.
Gordon's gonna ask Dana to marry him.
Really?
- Yes. - How do you know?
- 'Cause I have special powers, Jer emy. - Hey.
- She told me. - Yes.
And I think she just told Casey.
- Ahh. - Are you over it yet?
- Yes. - Well, that's just too bad. You want to know why? 'Cause - What?
I'm over it. I want to get back together with you.
We wer e never broken up.
- Yes, we wer e. We wer e. - No.
- That's sweet, but no. - Listen to me.
We broke up. I had to sort some things out, and I broke up with you.
But now I decr ee that we'r e back together.
- You should kiss me now. - Yes.
Wait.
Rebecca went back to her husband.
Wher e's Dan?
- I'm right here. - Hey, Dan.
I'm on my f eet...
bobbin' and weavin', br eakin' tackles,
- nothing but open field. - How you doin'?
Well, I've had a little wine.
If somebody wants to make book on whether or not
I'll be having a little mor e, I would not bet against me.
You might want to save some of that f or Casey.
- What's wrong with Casey? - Natalie... - Casey.
- Don't I r ely on you? Don't I r ely on you f or inf ormation? - Yes, but...
Casey, she didn't tell me until just bef or e airtime.
- I didn't want to tell you bef or e you went on the air. - Didn't stop Rebecca.
That was my f ault.
Then you ar e my sworn enemy.
Dan...
I love you, man. Give me a hug.
I love you, too, Casey. You'r e like my, you know, much, much older brother.
- Danny... - Bobbin' and weavin'.
Gordon asked Dana to marry him.
- Wow. - Yeah.
No, seriously, Casey.
- I know. - Listen, think about this -
halfway around the world a lone man has accomplished an extraordinary athletic f eat.
- What? - I don't know.
Good enough.
I give you Mr. Chauncy St. John of New Delhi.
- Chauncy St. John. - Chauncy St. John. - Chauncy St. John.
Somehow.
- Somehow what? - Somehow, in time, I'm gonna figur e out a way to blame this on Jerry Falwell.
Jerry Falwell.
- The thing is, Casey... - What?
With you I didn't hear it.
Hear what?
Did you hear it, Dan?
I didn't hear it. Did you hear it, Jer emy?
I didn't hear it.
Nobody's heard it. Nobody's heard the bell ring.
Yeah.
I'm gonna need a plan.